I guess I need to write more often

So here is the dilemma...do I write exactly what I am thinking and feeling and risk having someone misunderstand or more importantly my precious little ones read it one day and misunderstand.  But I think that I need to risk it and record as much of this time in our lives as possible because I know that my memory is often flawed and I will only remember the good stuff!  (which isn't a bad quality if you want to stay married for a long time!)

So the transition has been hard.  There are so many reasons-- mostly it is just too much on our plate at once.  As my dear husband says-- we have disrupted the normal life cycle and we are feeling the brunt of it.  It is not normal to be planning weddings and graduations and our little girl making the big move to college while also in the throes of potty training and sleepless nights.  It is so hard to resist the urge to be selfish and dream about how easy life cold be right now-- and we have so many reminders around us-- as our friends all laugh at us for starting all over! 

And two at once-- sounded like such as great idea in theory-- but my 17 year old summed it up well last night when she explained that it is like getting two puppies at once (sorry she and I do not mean to offend anyone with the comparision)  but when getting two puppies at once - inevitably one becomes the cute one and the favored one.  Why is it that human nature is that way?  One son smiles continuously and can win anyone over in seconds-- even when doing something bad he is just so darn cute about it!  And the other has had so much loss to deal with and has been cautious - and rightly so-  he does not smile as often (but when he does it is priceless!)  He is so smart and is learning to obey and fitting in so well.  He just wants approval and those who take the time to get to know him cannot say enough good about him. He is amazing- just takes some getting used to.  I know this could still happen if they came one at a time, but there is something about being the only one that people are willing to work a lot harder to get to know you and there is so much more attention given. 

BUT would I change it?  Not on your life.  These two are our sons and even if it is challenging, just within a few weeks they have come so far!  I have come to realize something that is hard to admit.  Their arrival has revealed the level of selfishness still in all of us, the lack of true patience, the limits of our love, the shallowness of our peace, the hold that circumstance still has on our joy, basically-- the degree to which Christ has not yet been fully formed in us.  There is an awesome book on marriage called "Sacred Marriage: what if God designed marriage not so much to make us happy as to make us holy."  Eye-opening book about how marriage can be a tool God uses to build our character and help us to become more Christ-like (if we let Him).  This adoption experience has caused me to see this as another tool God uses to 'grow us up into Him' IF we let Him.  It is hard-- but why is it hard?  because I am still selfish.  I want peace and quiet.  I want fully obedient children so that my life is easy.  I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  I want the house to stay clean for more than a minute and I want to take a shower ALONE!  I want to relax and enjoy life.  Forget all of that with 4 little ones! 

With our first adoption our son, Whit, labled the experience- 'the asian invasion'.  At the time I was worried about offending someone and would not repeat it. But now it has become the best way to describe this time in our lives.  This is the time of the asian invasion-- and we LOVE IT!  Yes it is a challenge..but while my friends admire their spotless house and enjoy dinner out with friends, I spend my days with amazing children getting a thousand hugs & kisses, belly laughs and marveling at all the new things they can say and do.  And I am reminded that God is not finished with me yet.  He has so much work left to do...if only I will let Him. 
So if you pray, then pray for me and for our family that will be honor God in the way we transition into this new family.

And to my older children, I am sorry for ever giving you the impression that you are not enough or taking any attention away from you.  I know that you love then but I know you wish I could do more with you. I am sorry I cannot visit as often and had to miss college orientation.  I am sorry that I cannot just spend the day with you alone.  I am sorry that my choices have affected your family life.  I just want you all to know that you guys are my inspiration.  When I see you and all that you have done in your lives and how amazing you all are, I realize that I do have something to give to these little ones.  It is my hope and prayer that your lives will be enriched by your little sisters and brothers and that you too will see Christ at work building our family.  I know it is not the same when you do not grow up together, but I pray that God will give us opportunities to be together and that He will knit your hearts together in love so that you can thank God for the asian invasion that came into your family and brought so much chaos-- I mean joy! lol!  

Love to all--
Glenda