I have been humbled and amazed this weekend as I was able to reflect on the great love of our Savior who truly suffered torture- (as opposed to what I felt like was torture these past few weeks). And He did it willingly because of His great love for us. He gave all and made the big move toward us to show us HIS-- How could we ever doubt His love for us? And yet if I am totally honest and transparent here, I had some moments of doubt in the past week. I was stressed and worried and trying to figure out how it could all week. I was disapponted and discouraged. MY timelines had come and gone and I had looked at the best case and the OK case and I just wondered why God was not on my timetable. Then I read that devotional thought and gae the quote (see in a previous post "A Week later and the same post") that said if it is MY timeline I might miss God's blessing and I gave it back to Him and said I wnted HIS timelne. But as human nature so often goes, I secretly hoped He would see my 'great faith' and grant my request. AND when I was still waiting and things weren't just falling perfectly into place. I began to doubt-- I even said to my husband- I feel like God doesn't like us! (Yes I do wallow in self-pity from time to tme!) We had to go back and remind ourselves that this was not our idea. God had given us this vision and we knew that the doubt was not from Him. We were following Him as best we could and i became clear this was an attack. So I gathered my small faith - like a mutard seed is enough His word says-- and waited.
THEN it seemed like the TA might be on the way so I got excited but still felt cautious. Then others started announcing they had their TA and I was getting worried. I did not get the official email until after 6pm!!!!!!!!
But of course I had called an hour or so earlier because I had to end the wondering about it! And we got the news that we would be going a week later than I hoped and yet still miss several important events at home and airfares were higher, etc. BUT there is something about having that TA and having choices that makes that less stressful. And we had our CA (consulate appoitnment confirmed within hours when they could have taken up to 5 business days to respond-- so for once in the process-- it was earlier than expected and we did NOT have to wait!!!)
So it has been a worldwind of decisions and dates and phone calls. And we sensed God's peace through it all. As we were on the phone with the travel agent after being told the fares had jumped by $300, I prayed and he said-- "What a second, I think the lower fare popped back in....let's book it" I looked back at all my planning and such and the price we got was under $1200 (most of that fare is taxes!) and lower than any of the scenarios I had ploted.
So basically-- God knew all about the airfare issue and He knew that as much as I wanted to go sooner, I have so much to do to finish the semester that there was NO WAY I could be ready this week. With NINE DAYS to go, I am working frantically to get it all done! All my plannng and worrying accomplished nothing. Our God is faithful and He can be trusted.
So whatever you are facing today-- if you are waiting for TA or LOA or PA...trust His timing and try to enjoy the process, if you are wondering where God is in the midst of an illness or tragedy or disappointment, trust that He DOES love you and He likes you and He proved that on the cross. I won't pretend to know why He allows some things and intevenes at other times. I won;t minimize the pain-- because I don't believe He does. If you will run to Him with your pain and your disappointment, your fears and failures, your sadness and joy, He will meet you right where you are and he will hold you and cry with you and give you the HOPE that we all need. He is an amazing God. He stopped at nothing to demonstrate His LOVE for us and He is FAITHFUL!
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you. I pray that God will bless you and encourage you.
Love,
Glenda
NOW back to grading papers and packing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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